We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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