I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
