dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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