Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
