what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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