god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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