i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
