Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
third nipple confirmed
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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