i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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