apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
