Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
