I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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