it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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