remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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