So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
