she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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