the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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