she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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