yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize