why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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