well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
