I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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