did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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