and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
