How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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