I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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