I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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