I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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