he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
