I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
