low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
