Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
