Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth

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(678): View more from Georgia

I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.

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(512): View more from Texas

her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"

(1-512): View more from Texas

you motherfucker

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(775): View more from Nevada

He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?

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(+33): View more from France

We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?

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(443): View more from Maryland

Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.

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