I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
