is your mom at the bar?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
