sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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