i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
