apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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