Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
