Moan for me like Helen Keller
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You took a bar mat shot.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
