More tranny stories later!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
