I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
my poor anus
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So. Much. Porn.
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