My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
