Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the condom got lost in my hair
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
