Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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