Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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