Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
