What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How external is "for external use only"?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
