lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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