Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
