Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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