I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
