go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
