Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
