Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
