it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
