I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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