I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
