Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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