if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
porn star boner night. come get it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
