take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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