I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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