the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
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He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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