the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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