whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
