Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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