i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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