Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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