My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
