i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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