its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have feelings that need drinking.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
