Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
