Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener

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  (214): a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener http://tfl.nu/2syz
  Replies (6) Good night (595) Bad night (2191)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome

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  (508): So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again. (1-508): Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years? (508): Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome http://tfl.nu/sfo6
  Replies (18) Good night (2525) Bad night (761)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.

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  (806): You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you. http://tfl.nu/w13u
  Replies (48) Good night (2296) Bad night (3314)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

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  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (20) Good night (9230) Bad night (1361)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.

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  (775): Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I. http://tfl.nu/56to
  Replies (3) Good night (1238) Bad night (2598)
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  (619): View more from California

  The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?

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  (619): The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!? http://tfl.nu/uvtx
  Replies (5) Good night (2127) Bad night (819)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.

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  (501): Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend. http://tfl.nu/du0y
  Replies (7) Good night (3195) Bad night (621)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.

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  (610): this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all. http://tfl.nu/9oal
  Replies (5) Good night (1027) Bad night (552)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course we have a beer bong

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  how else would we feed our christmas tree

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  (267): of course we have a beer bong (267): how else would we feed our christmas tree http://tfl.nu/aebp
  Replies (3) Good night (1224) Bad night (494)
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  (310): View more from California

  oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.

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  (310): oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars. http://tfl.nu/b3kf
  Replies (4) Good night (685) Bad night (331)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?

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  (304): That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try. (304): Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone? http://tfl.nu/y8p7
  Replies (10) Good night (624) Bad night (1296)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.

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  (216): I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches. http://tfl.nu/a2wa
  Replies (2) Good night (772) Bad night (380)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable

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  (334): Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable http://tfl.nu/erwp
  Replies (0) Good night (451) Bad night (321)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.

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  (303): So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities. http://tfl.nu/dlp3
  Replies (2) Good night (505) Bad night (304)
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  (858): View more from California

  Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker

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  (858): Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker http://tfl.nu/c3nf
  Replies (3) Good night (612) Bad night (143)

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