Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me