I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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