life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.