The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize