eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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