oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
