I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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