I wish I only lived at night.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
