Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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