just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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