The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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