God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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