end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I want a musical about memes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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