i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
