A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
