Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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