I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
